Big Ass Spider

With a name like “Big Ass Spider!” you’re not sitting down expecting the film to be good - only entertaining. It's neither. Badly acted, with irritating characters born from a lousy and predictable script, this creature feature is topped with special effects so bad my Playstation 2 wouldn’t take it out to prom even if it promised to put out. I found it insufferable.

Arachnid expert and exterminator Alex Mathis (Greg Grunberg) gets wind of an abnormally large spider the U. S. military is desperate to find. Teaming up with hospital bodyguard José Ramos (Lombardo Boyar), Alex believes he can take down the rapidly-growing threat and impress Lieutenant Karly Brant (Clare Kramer) at the same time.

With its broad characters, extended sequences of gory carnage, ample destruction and “don’t take us too seriously because we know our movie sucks” tone, you see what the movie is trying to do but that’s a lazy man’s approach. Director Mike Mendez could’ve probably made a decent movie despite the low budget. He instead chose to make a throwback to bad movies from back in the day… by making a bad movie with CGI instead of puppets, stop-motion or camera tricks. If you’re going to release a product for others to consume, make something worth seeing instead of an extended inside joke.

"Big Ass Spider!" begins on the wrong note with a loser protagonist (not to be confused with a down-on-their-luck protagonist) that hits non-stop on anything with a pair of breasts (unless she’s played by Lin Shaye, who is in and out of the movie quick but manages to put a permanent stain on her IMDB page). Team him up with an idiotic Mexican stereotype and you’ve got the cinematic equivalent of a rusty cheese grater being raked across your skull. What’s worse is that the plot is so basic you know exactly what’s going to happen. This means counting down each singular second until the two people who have known each other for less than a day and exchanged maybe a dozen sentences (most under unpleasant circumstances) get together. Then the film’s got the audacity to set itself up for a sequel!

It's always annoying when a giant monster doesn’t make any noise off-camera or can manage to sneak up on people. This film takes those problems to a whole new level. Some of the blame must be put on the extras who are quickly turned into monster chow. They're all so unconvincing even under good direction they would’ve been looking straight into the camera or in the opposite direction of the spider. It’s as if no attempt whatsoever was made to preserve the continuity or make this film the least bit credible. If the people involved didn’t care, why should I?

“Big Ass Spider! ” ends on a rushed, slap-dash note that came as a relief. It meant I could stop watching and do anything else, like scoop out kitty litter by hand or get punched in the face, for example. I hated “Big Ass Spider! ”. Hated the hero, hated his kinda racist sidekick even more and hated the general lack of effort. I can’t forget about this film soon enough. (On DVD, January 31, 2018)

For the type of movie this is, it's awesome. It's funny, it's entertaining, silly and very watchable. The cast are really good. The action is good, the cgi is fairly good. Keep your expectations low and you'll win.

In the same mold as Arachnophobia (1990) and Tremors (1990), this sci fi monster action mystery thriller has blacker scenes if not tone than those movies. While not a classic and the special effects not superb, the pacing and the comedic action is pretty decent, even the destruction scenes are adequate for this parody on the monster movie. Greg Grunberg who made his small screen mark on Heroes (2006-2010) stars. Better than expected, the biggest weakness are its death scenes which don't seem consistent with the tone of the movie breaking the parody theme of the movie. The buddy scenes however are some of the strongest, most solid parts of the movie with their humor and fun play and smart witty dialogue.

After all, it is the first movie about big spider. Worth watching it!